I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
