Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Drunk is not a location!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
