you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
