so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
