It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
