I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just pynch a tree in the face
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
