atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
