around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
