just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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