I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
