No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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