I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
