i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
