just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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