we have pet lesbian snakes
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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