Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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