today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
