And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
