I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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