My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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