Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
