it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
