I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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