Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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