she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
