Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
