I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
