She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
