Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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