btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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