Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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