well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
