why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
