you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
