oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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