Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
