I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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