I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
