Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
