Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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