I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
