My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you inspire me to be a worse person
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Randomize
