dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
