We're like a lot better than the average bears
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
