i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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