Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
