woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
