I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
