dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
