I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
