The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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