The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
