i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize