you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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