he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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