Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
