I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
