porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She told me I should be a condom model.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
