She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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