How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
