ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
