i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize