Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
