I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
