peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
