one two three fourrrrnication!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wish you could order shots online.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
